Are You Easily Offended?

Is there anyone who hasn’t been hurt at one time or another by the words of others? The offending party may have been insensitive or angry and was probably in the wrong, but is that the end of the story? Do unkind words have to lead to a broken relationship?

We can’t control others, so what can we do if they don’t recognize their offense? What if they don’t think it was a big deal and don’t see a need to apologize? When several people tell us we are too easily offended, we may need to ask ourselves, is it true? Could we be overly sensitive to what others say to or about us?

Marriages and family relationships are often harmed because of minor disrespectful comments and actions that escalate into angry arguments or icy silences. Offense can pile on top of offense until the original attack is forgotten.

If we are offended, is there anything we can do to save the relationship?
 
In most cases, we cannot control what others do, but we can control how we react or respond to their words or actions. This is addressed in the Bible in the book of Ecclesiastes.

“Also do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you” (Ecclesiastes 7:21).

Wise King Solomon advises that we should not take seriously everything people say about us, and that is true whether it is good or bad. One can cause pride; the other, anger. But certainly it can be unpleasant to hear that someone has spoken critically of us.

Solomon goes on to say that all of us have said things we shouldn’t have about someone else sometime in our lives (verse 22). It is all too human to slip into the problem of gossiping or slandering someone behind his or her back. We should strive to overcome these human tendencies, but no one has ever gone through life and not succumbed to these weaknesses at some time. “For there is not a just man on earth who does good [all the time] and does not sin” (verse 20).

We might wish that everyone liked us and spoke highly of us all the time, but that is unrealistic. No one can go through life without having to face personal criticism of some type in some way. If we allow those things to upset us each time we hear of them, our lives will wind up being miserable.

Christ left us an example

Jesus said that if we are patient and merciful to others, God will be patient and merciful to us. And it is the humble, or meek, who in time will be the rulers under Jesus Christ—who will inherit the earth (Matthew 5:5, 7).Before His death Jesus was beaten, spit on and reviled. How did He respond? Peter wanted to use a sword on those who came to arrest Jesus. But Jesus said that if that were the way to go, He could call down thousands of powerful angels to strike His adversaries! But that wasn’t what His Father wanted. Jesus came to die for the sins of humankind, so He had to go through it all (see Matthew 26:51-54).

In time Peter learned a better way. In his first letter he wrote how people of God should respond to wrongs they might experience:

“For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: ‘Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth’; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Peter 2:19-23).

In reality, it is our pride that makes it so difficult to overlook a critical or negative statement someone makes about us. In addition to making it difficult to forgive others who have done us wrong, pride can also hinder our Christian growth.

Look back at Jesus’ Sermon on Mount, in the beginning section referred to as the Beatitudes. Jesus said that if we are patient and merciful to others, God will be patient and merciful to us. And it is the humble, or meek, who in time will be the rulers under Jesus Christ—who will inherit the earth (Matthew 5:5, 7).